Friday, 14 September 2012

Emily Jayne - Newdale Primary

looking behind me I saw...a 4 headed dragon looking  straight at me. Suddenly, it breathed scolding fire which came as fast as lightning.I managed to dodge it which was lucky . I jumped and  stabbed him viciously with my sharp sword, as sharp as a crocodiles fang.after i had killed the dragon i went back to my ship mates .As soon as i went back Erick bludaxe

8 comments:

  1. Great adverb Emily Jayne - viciously. You obviously love writing which is great. Looking forward to reading your efforts next week.

    Ian (retired teacher from the Iisle of Wight)

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  2. Fantastic use of simile when you described how sharp the sword was. You really made me want to read on...

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  3. Well done on your first 100 word challenge Emily Jayne. You have fit a lot of description into just a hundred words and you did this with your verbs, adverbs, adjectives and similes.
    A great piece of writing.
    Mrs Prior - Maple class, Greenfields Primary

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  4. I loved your story you used some amazing vocabulary.You also had 2 great similies especially as sharp as a crocodile fang.I really enjoyed this story Casey scps

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  5. Mrs Lefroy - Newdale16 September 2012 at 11:00

    Well done Emily Jane - you made your description really exciting and used time connectives effectively to order your work.

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  6. Mr Morris Greenboro Primary New Jersey16 September 2012 at 11:33

    I really liked your sword description, great stuff!

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  7. i thought you put a lot of thought and imagenation into this story Emily-Jayne well done nanny xxx

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  8. This is a lovely piece of writing, and I'm really pleased to have found it. Well done.

    Miss Cook (Team100WC)

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