Friday, 14 September 2012

owen,dom,cameron - Newdale Primary

looking behind me I saw..........

Hades standing menacingly surrounded by the  egyptian gods. With a flash of black smoke 50,000 mummys surrounded Zeus , the King of all the gods.. They staggered towards me, arms outstretched like they were coming for a hug. But they wern't......The mummys had demond eyes,they walk towards me like someone chop there leg of.My childen ,they were peatrified like  a clown kidnaped them.Sundenly two mummys creak towards

7 comments:

  1. Some fantastic wow words and I love you ellipse using those wait and see dots. Some really well thought out writing.

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  2. I like your short story, it was tense and left me wondering what would happen next.

    Next time try not to mix characters from different places in a short story.

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  3. I absolutely LOVE mythology so this 100 word challenge is right up my street!!

    It left me wondering about what happened earlier in the story. Why were the Greek gods mixing with the Egyptians? Had there been an invasion?

    If I see a mummy coming towards me looking like they want a hug, I think I will run (unless it is my mummy)!

    Well done :-)

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  4. Mr Morris Greenboro primary new jersey16 September 2012 at 11:36

    You really built some tension here want to know what happened next!

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  5. Caroline Hardman (Team 100WC)17 September 2012 at 07:41

    Hi Owen, Dom and Cameron

    What an amazing scene you've described! I was captured straight away, by Hades standing 'menacingly' and being surrounded by the other Gods. Personally, I like the mix of characters - like Mr McWilliam, I'm dying to know how they all ended up together!

    I also really liked your last line - a mummy 'creaking' towards you is a terrific (and very original) description of how they would move!

    Keep up the amazing 100WC work!

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  6. i really liked the part were bthe mummy is creaking towards you,so alto geather is good

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  7. are you ment to be doing the greeks?

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