Monday, 25 March 2013

100 word challenge jack and malachi


Millie ran to the shop to get some of the ‘top of the shop’ chocolate. As she burst through the door, a crowd of elderly people fixed their eyes onto her. Whilst she shook all the snow off herself, their beady eyes were on her like stripes on a tiger. Then she walked around to where all the chocolate lay, awaiting to be melted on someone’s tongue. Looking at all that chocolate her mouth watered, she was gob smacked. All the unbelievable chocolate in her sight. Without warning she snatched a bar of chocolate from the shelf and vanished …

2 comments:

  1. Some great sentence openers! You are excellent writers.

    Holly
    Linocnshire,UK

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jack and Malachi, I like how your story begins with action. Your word 'burst' is well chosen for effect and you used a great simile for the beady eyes of the elderly people. Your description of the chocolate made my mouth water as well as Millie's!
    Well done boys some great punctuation using inverted commas, commas, apostrophes and an elipsis.
    I really enjoyed reading your work this week.
    Mrs Prior - Team 100WC

    ReplyDelete